9 June 2011

tarot journal: four-card three card spread

My husband and I are househunting, a process that is frustrating and nerve-jangling. We looked at a house the other day that we considered putting an offer on, but we weren't totally sure about even after a thorough viewing and much discussion. This post, then, is about the reading I decided to do in hopes of clarifying whether this house was THE house.

digression: I actually rarely do readings for myself on important issues, or on issues with a lot of personal investment involved, because frankly I'm often afraid to see what the cards will say. Afraid they'll be right; afraid they'll tell me something I don't want to hear; afraid they'll be wrong and I'll make the wrong decision. I often wonder if other tarot readers feel the same way, or if they are more confident about their abilities. It's obviously one of the things one has to deal with before one goes professional, and now just as obvious that I myself am not a professional reader.

I call this the four-card three-card spread because I meant to draw three cards and only realized when I turned them over that an extra one had gone down with the first card. I looked at the two card that had come out the way I expected to deal them first: the Queen of Cups and the Two of Swords. In the Legend Arthurian Tarot, which I was using, the Queen is Britannia, the personification of the land, and that combines with the decision--and indecision--of the Two described my state of mind. I was looking for a place to put down roots and identify with, and i needed to trust my intuition with this decision.

The two-in-one cards were the Three and Four of Shields. They were reversed, though I hadn't meant to work with reversed cards in this spread. The Three in this deck, titled The Homespun Tunic and depicting Parsifal's mother sewing his shirts, I always associate with work done in the domestic sphere. The Four establishes a home base and a solid foundation (oddly enough, solid foundations have been an issue in our search, as most houses we've seen haven't had very bad foundations).

As it turns out, these cards were an accurate description of the situation, as by the next afternoon the house had another offer on it, so because we could not decide, the decision was made for us. We still don't have that place to root into. However, the hesitation was due to this house not being the eight one for us (hence the cards that were reversed), which is born out by the fact that there was only a little disappointment at the news it was off the market, mostly based the decision being taken out of our hands then by losing the house.

Truth spoken again.

8 June 2011

self perception

Out and about this morning, and one of my stops was Roca Jack's. I've never been there before, but a friend recommended it when I asked for information on locally-owned coffee shops that roast their own beans. My daughter and I enjoyed a rhubarb muffin, I had a darned good coffee, and there was an artist working on a widow painting for the summer. He was young; a hippy type with a rasta hat, battered backpack, and faded pants and sport jacket. As I was putting my daughter in her car seat, he turned and said, "excuse me? I just wanted to tell you that you are fricking radiant. Enjoy your life...I know you will."

Such a nice compliment, and yet I wish I could see what that person saw. I don't see any particular radiance in me...in fact one of the prime things I feel is wrong with myself these past few years is that any radiance I might have had has been dimmed, covered up, or lost. I certainly don't feel radiant. More like harassed, worn down, and stagnant. Perhaps he saw my love for my girl, though even that is always tinged with worry. She's so small, so tiny, and so many people's happiness seem wrapped up in this one little life. How can she hold it? How can I live up to the responsibility of taking care of it?

But perhaps the best lesson to take from this encounter is that as worn down as I sometimes feel I, like everyone else, have a core of purity, of radiance, that will endure. An indestructible inner essence that is still available...if only I can find it.

7 June 2011

tarot journal: ace of wands


So I decided to pull a card from my new tarot deck, the Shadowscapes Tarot, tonight. This deck is very light and fairy-tale in feel, and I actually bought it thinking that I would have lied it when I was young, and that if my infant daughter grew to have an interest in tarot perhaps It would be one she would like too. Somehow during the shuffle my thoughts turned to this blog, which I've neglected for so long I had even forgotten my login information. Cut from shuffling cards to puttering on my iPod, recovering login information and resetting passwords, and here we are.

The card I drew after all that was the Ace of Wands.

image ©Stephanie Pui-Mun Law