Tarot journal: 8 of pentacles

I started a daily card journal today, on the advice of someone at the Aeclectic Tarot Forum. It's actually something I've been meaning to do for a while, but the forum gave me the nudge I needed. No one reads this blog anyway but perhaps posting about it now and again will keep me on track.

Today's card was the 8 of Pentacles, which kicked off an interesting round of synchronicity. Right before doing the draw, I was getting laundry ready, looking around and thinking of all the undone physical and personal work that has been overwhelming me for so long, and thinking (as I often do) that really I needed to just STOP thinking and start doing--do anything but just start somewhere. And five minutes later I drew this card, which is all about applying yourself and working.

Then an interesting New York Times story pops up on my news feeds about new reseach on willpower, showing that trying to "control" every part of your life at once does not work. Concentrating on one thing at a time, however, will excersize and strengthen your willpower and help you to bring it to bear on other things later. The article specifically mentions that trying to suppress or deny your emotions will "use up" your will, preoccupying it so it can't be used effectively for other things. Right now, that statement is the story of my life. I did know this. I knew that I was exhausted all the time, and the reason I had no energy was because I was having to "put my game face on" and hide my emotional reality from everyone, but reading it here, on the day I drew this card, seemed doubly significant.

Then I get a new tarot book that suggests the 8 of Pentacles is about organizing yourself and having something to do. Instead of flailing about, just choosing one thing and doing it can focus and settle your mind in difficult situations.

Don't think the message could be any clearer...

Birthday spread

My first experience with tarot was with a boxed set of my dad's, never used and gathering dust in our basement. It was a particularly ugly Picasso-themed deck, with black line drawings over lurid striped backgrounds. The booklet that came with it was unhelpful--interpretations focused on legal judgements and the stock market don't mean much to you when you're 11 or 12 years old. Every time I tried to use it I'd get fed up and put it away, and yet I couldn't help coming back to it again. A few months, or a few years, later, I'd be searching out that black box with the stained glass window on it again, thinking that this time, surely this time would be different.

(digression: while tooling around on the web to find examples or information on this deck, I found that while these particular cards seem to have faded into well-deserved obscurity, Picasso himself was apparently fascinated with Tarot and very conversant in its imagery. Who knew? Not me, anyway.)

As time passed, I read a few books from the library now and then, and occasionally thought about where I could get my own set of cards (this being both before I discovered the existence of metaphysical book stores and before the mainstreaming of tarot). I didn't take action, however, until my late teens, when I became friends with someone who also read tarot. She owned decks! As in more than one! And books! Tons of them! What a revelation. We spent hours together, both on campus and after school/work, sharing books, laying out spreads, playing with the cards, telling stories with them. I learned a lot from her, and even more with her. I have so many happy memories of meeting at local restaurants and taking over tables for hours, hauling in bags of books and 2 or 3 decks each and just settling in for the day. How we got away with it I'll never know, but I'm certainly grateful for the waitstaff who served us water and let us alone instead of kicking us out. We don't live in the same place anymore, and she seems to have lost her interest in the cards, and I still mourn that.

My first deck, and the one I still love the most, is the Thoth Tarot. People usually think I'm crazy when I say that, but that's the deck whose imagery first ignited my imagination and fulfilled my ideas of what tarot was really supposed to be. I still don't claim to understand it fully, and probably never will, but it's still the one deck I have to take with me wherever I move, and the one I use the most. I collect other desks, and use most of them (I won't buy a deck I wouldn't use), but Thoth is my old standby, the one I reach for first.

My practice level still swings up and down, but tarot has been one of the most consistent companions in my adult life. I love how you can never know it all and be done. There's still another level to explore, another way to approach your cards, a new thing to work on to make your readings better.

No matter what else is going on in my life, I always do a 12-card spread for my birthday. This month I will apparently be influenced by Fool energy. I'm not sure at this point if it means a successful fresh start or another Life Lesson About Being Naive.

I guess we'll see.